I’ve been hiding behind my naked women

I’ve been hiding behind my naked women

Body Positivity, Fat, Personal, Sketchbook

I feel like a fraud when I post my drawings of beautiful fat women, because I don’t feel that way about myself. I have hinted about those feelings in my artist statement when writing about seeing behind the surface, the difference between what the world sees and what is hidden inside, etc… but I haven’t really spoken about it personally. I’m going to try to do that. This is my first step. I haven’t been honest. I draw naked fat women and give lip service to body positivity and fat acceptance, but I don’t feel it. And I’ve never publicly shared my own story or thoughts around it. I mean, I see beauty in other people’s fat bodies, but I haven’t internalized it. I don’t see it in my own. I don’t feel it. I try to project an air of confidence that I have never felt. I do believe it’s fine to be fat or skinny or tall or short or black or white and male or female or anywhere in between any of those descriptors. But I have always wanted to be thinner. I’ve tried every possible way of losing weight. Dieting, exercising, therapy, medication, hypnosis, surgery, the list goes on… I’ve been jealous of people with eating disorders different from mine. I mean, if you’re going to have an eating disorder, you might as well have one that makes you thin, right? And I used to say, well, I’m fat, but at least I’m healthy. I have always had low blood pressure, low cholesterol, been fairly flexible and had no trouble getting around. But now my...